Oh Wii U, I Unbox Thee - A Wii U Unboxing Poem from a Terrible Poet

I've never understood the appeal of unboxing videos. I don't really care what's in a box until I actually have that box. But for those who like unboxings, I thought that as someone who believes in the descriptive power of the written word I should try writing an unboxing poem. Admittedly, I'm not a poet, but that didn't stop me. So for better or worse, I present, Oh Wii U, I Unbox Thee.