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Oh Wii U, I Unbox Thee

The World Doesn't Need Another Wii U Unboxing Video; It Needs an Unboxing Poem


Oh Wii U, I Unbox Thee

Oh brave new box, that has such console in it.

X-Acto blade in hand, I slice open the FedEx box
Like a drunk surgeon.
The loose games and pro controller are but obstacles
To the prize beneath.
A black box that tells me:
Deluxe Set,” “32 GB,”
“Wii U.”

Sliding out a cardboard tab releases one end
I pull back a flap,
Then another,
Then two more.
Inside, two cardboard shelves,
Neatly sectioned.
That I slide out,

Surveying the top shelf
I spy Nintendo Land
Full case!
No paltry, Wii Sports sleeve.
The game goes with the rest.
Underneath are documents,
Wrapped in plastic
I lightly toss aside.

Plastic-wrapped power cords overwhelm their section
Each neatly twist tied more than once
As though to prevent their escape.
I toss them on my couch
Twist ties intact.

A second compartment, cleverly hid below Nintendo Land
Contains more wrapped objects.
Sensor bar,
HDMI cord,
Charging cradle,
A gamepad stand that from the side looks like a casual squiggle.
Two small plastic pieces, looking like squat Us, that a moment’s thought reveals as the console’s faux feet.
I lift the empty tray

The second tray revealed at last,
I behold something,
Wrapped in foamy white plastic,
Fastened with taffy-green tape,
That undone reveals the Wii U console.
Sleekly black,
The size of an undernourished dictionary.
I strip away the plastic, too thin to be paper-thin, adhering to the console,
Protecting its vents.
The PS3 that died last year is replaced
By my new machine.

One piece remains.
Removing its spongy opaque covering I find
The gamepad.
Shiny black, I hold it in my hands,
Ridges and curves underneath fit like gloves
I gaze at its buttons, knobs, triggers.
Its camera lens,
Its tiny speaker holes.
Its ports – headset, charging, peripheral.
A sheathed stylus.

There are still twist ties to straighten,
Objects to unbag,
Cords to connect.
But I must push the power button first.
The screen glows white,
And whispers, “Nintendo” and then, somewhat louder, “Wii U.”
It begins.
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